Most
psychotherapists are weird. I love you guys, but seriously. Our jobs
are weird, we think about weird things. We sit in a room with
complete strangers and listen to their most intimate thoughts and
feelings. That’s weird. We then offer insight based on education,
clinical experience, and instinct. However, we don’t really do
anything about it. We stay there while the patient returns to the
real world and tries to make sense of our feedback. It’s just not
normal to do that. Face it, what we do is weird.
When
people come in for the first session it is often with anxiety and
hesitation. They are usually feeling vulnerable, exposed,
embarrassed, and possibly frustrated. They always feel awkward.
But, the discomfort is not only due to the unusual nature of what we
are doing. The problem is the stigma that follows them into my
office.
We
are living in an age of denial. As a culture we have become masters
of pretending like our problems don’t exist. Racism? We are past
that. Sexism? Nope, equality is our middle name. Abuse? Doesn’t
happen here. Just check our facebook pages.
No sign of a problem anywhere. Everyone’s smiling in the pictures.
No one takes a picture of themselves yelling at their kids.
We have become illusionists, skilled at the art of deception. We
identify with our façade, the person we create to carry out the
misdirection. Our façade distracts the audience while the monsters
destroy the scene.
To
walk into my office and tell me why you are here is a betrayal of
that system. We aren’t supposed to have problems that require this
kind of help. We are supposed to be able to pick ourselves up by our
own boot straps. We shouldn’t be so sensitive. We should be more
prayerful, just have more faith. We should be able to handle it on
our own. We are not supposed to be weak. We are supposed to be
strong. We are supposed to be intellectual. Quit being such a big
baby. We should just get over it.
The
easiest thing you’ll ever do is to not get help for a problem.
It’s easy to use the system of distraction and rationalization to
avoid change. It is hard to admit the need for help. By seeking
help you are doing the hard thing. You are showing strength by
admitting weakness. If you are struggling with chronic emotional
distress please do not fall victim to the stigma of weakness. If you
seek help you are being strong.
Psychotherapists
are weird but the awkwardness comes from a good place. We
stand in defiance of a culture of avoidance and distraction.
We foster authenticity and transparency. By speaking the
uncomfortable words we drain them of power. If these issues no
longer have the power to dictate your decisions, then you are free to
live a more authentic and contented life. I encourage everyone to
embrace the appearance of weakness because it will result in
strength.
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