Text
Message Breakup
The
ultimate sign of disrespect in the modern world
It
is THE tackiest thing possible. Disrespectful, rude, and cowardly.
Recent
statistics also show text message breakups automatically lower
testosterone levels by 50%.
.
The
lowest of the low. Quite possibly the best way to let all your
soon-to-be angry ex's friends know you have no balls.
“Hey
Panama, My bf just broke up with me by text message and we were
together for 2 1/2 years. Is there any advice you can give on why
this happened?”
Panama
Jackson answered Broken Hearted in NY's question on September 27,
2012 7:22 PM
“Naw.
Your ex is a douche. No two ways about it. He took the weak way out
and left you with the emotional baggage to go along with it.”
Bad
Breakup Etiquette: The Wrong Way To Do It Every Time
What’s
up with some people and how they breakup with someone? Recently, a
friend of mine emailed me and said, “My girlfriend broke up with me
the other day via email.”
Via
email?! They dated (and were inseparable) for over a year, and she
breaks up with him via email?
She
told him that it was too hard for her to sit down and break up with
him face-to-face, and that she thought it would be easier for her to
break up with him via email. She didn’t even go into detail in the
email about it — it was a short three sentence email basically
saying that the relationship wasn’t working for her anymore.
Another
friend of mine was in a relationship with someone for nine months.
They were in love, were intimate, spent night after night together,
and vacationed together.
He
broke up with her via a text message. That’s right, a text message!
Do
you see a pattern here? What are the rules now a days — that you
break up with someone via text message if you’re dating under a
year, and you break up with someone via email if you’ve been dating
longer than a year?
The
text message that my friend sent said simply, “I don’t think this
is working out, and I think we should stop seeing each other.” That
was it.
How
do you even respond to that? He didn’t even have the guts to pick
up the phone and call this person he said that he loved. He just sent
a text message.
I
remember how bad I thought it was when the story broke a few years
ago that Sylvester Stallone had broken up with someone via a letter
he sent FedEx. He just had to break up with her overnight, and even
sent it so that it would arrive by 10:00 am. Waking up to a breakup
letter is something I’m sure she really needed.
What
does it take these days to get a face-to-face breakup . . . or even a
breakup via a live phone call?
Do
you need to have been dating for more than two years to warrant this
treatment? What do you have to do for someone to feel they “owe”
you the courtesy of a face-to-face talk or at least a live phone call
when they break up with you? What do you have to do to get the
closure and the honesty that comes from a face-to-face breakup?
We
have become so addicted to technology that we can’t even give each
other the time of day anymore. So many people will not even pick up
the phone anymore.
Most
people text. A lot of people just email instead of picking up the
phone.
When
it comes down to breaking up — really discussing the relationship
and the really important issues — you should never do it via email
or text. What is wrong with our culture today that this has become at
all acceptable?
When
did we become so afraid? When did we become such wimps when it comes
down to speaking with one another.
Breaking
up via text or via email is disgraceful. You owe it to someone you’ve
been dating (no matter for how long) to sit them down. You owe it to
them to be 100% honest about how you’re feeling and where you’re
at so that they can have closure.
I
can’t imagine if something broke up with me via text. I don’t
think I’d ever be able to talk to them again, or even look them in
the eye. If you’re intimate enough to look someone in the eyes when
you’re making love with them, then how dare you break up with them
via text or email?
Technology
is wonderful. When it comes down to intimacy and your relationship,
however, you need to pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to tell
someone how you feel if you’re going to break up with them. You
need to do this no matter how hard you think it will be for you.
Breaking
up is not easy to do. Breaking up using technology, though, is just
plain sad.
EVEN
WORSE…
The
absolute worst way a person can use text messaging is to break up.
It’s tacky. It’s cowardly. It’s slimy. But there are men (and
women) between the ages of 14 and 65 who do it.
If
a man breaks up with you via text, know that he has revealed himself
to be a person of low character. Better to have that information
sooner than later. Still, a break-up hurts, especially by text and
even more if you were really starting to like the guy.
HERE’S
HOW YOU HANDLE IT
It
helps to get over a person by re-framing him in your mind. So, if
“Bob” once seemed like Prince Charming and his plain-sounding
name started rolling around your mouth like an award-winning
Zinfandel, it’s time to call a spade a spade.
Pick
out Bob’s least appealing quality (cheapness, lateness, nose hair,
etc.) and change his name in your contact list from “Bob” to a
genius nickname that sums him up:
Cheap
Boy
Tardy
Fool,
Jungle
Nostril
and
so on.
Or,
conjure up an unfortunate memory of Bob, perhaps at a diner breakfast
where he aired his political views with an errant blog of scrambled
egg in his mustache:
Egg
Lip
From
now on, every time you run through your contact list, you will be
reminded — not of Knight in Shining Armor Bob — but of Egg Lip.
You
will soon find yourself thinking of Bob as Egg Lip, and nobody wants
to date Egg Lip.
Nobody.
(To
quickly get over Bob, this can work even better than eliminating his
name from your contact list altogether. BONUS: If the clown ever
contacts you again, his name will come up as Egg Lip, which might
even provide you with a well-deserved laugh.)
Remember,
relationships are built eye-to-eye, not via text message. If a guy is
consistently too busy to see you, he’s too busy. He’s not the
right man for you.
The
right man will make an effort. Let him make that effort.
You’re
worth it.
Netiquette:
Five texts you should never send
(CNN)
-- We're texting more than ever, and, like society, the texts
themselves are getting worse and worse.
That's
a conclusion cobbled together from the Pew Internet and American Life
Project, which found that the median number of texts adults send and
receive in a day doubled from 2009 to 2010, and much anecdotal
observation from the authors.
Read
on to learn just how terrible silent cell phone users are these days,
and the five texts that should never traverse that satellite-banked
arc from your hands to the eyes of another.
1.
"I think we should see other people."
It
isn't just skittish teenagers pulling this rude move. Last year, a
survey from Lab 42 found that 33% of adults (adults!) had broken up
with someone via text, e-mail or Facebook. Forty percent said they
"would ever" do it, indicating that 7% of the surveyed
humans are soulless jerks who haven't but would hurtfully sever ties
with a lover if only someone would respond to their advances.
Yes,
breaking up is hard. Knowing you're going to hurt someone you cared
about with your words indeed makes your stomach do some Cirque de
Soleil-esque acrobatics. But shooting over a one-way missive to
deliver the news for you? It's supremely cruel, because it leaves the
other person cocking his or her head with Fred Willard-esque
histrionics and asking, "Hey, wha' happened?" That complete
lack of closure (not to mention the dearth of soothing,
I-care-about-you-as-a-human-being signals you send with your voice
and motions) add up to WAY more ruminating than is necessary.
Netiquette:
Be careful when diagnosing your ailments online
The
break-up text is only this much more noble than ghosting on someone
you're dating, letting the silences grow longer and longer until you
can tell yourself it was a mutual separation and then scuttle into
the night like a cowardly cockroach. If you went on enough dates to
call this person your boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she deserves at
least a call.
2.
"Will you marry me?"
A
text proposal. It actually happened, people. And if that isn't
innards-wrenchingly horrific enough, after it happened, Miss Manners
went on to condone it. Can we please consider marriage proposals one
of the few remaining bastions of old-fashioned romance, free from the
lackadaisical pall that technology has cast over everything?
Unless
you've rigged some clever feat that ties in the nerdy way you met,
your phone should be put away, your knee should be on the pavement,
and your hands should be clutching a ring, not picking a ringtone.
3.
"We're thinking about going to Shortstop later but Aiden is
still napping & Mona was talking abt having ppl over for a
cookout. IDK if I want to be out in the heat tho since I'm still
hungo from Bosco's pirate party thing last night. Are you and Weeds
still... [1 of 2]"
4.
"...wandering around the park or did you want to do something
later? Hit me up if you see this before 10. Gonna go pass out for a
while. [2 of 2]"
Texting
was supposed to save us time by letting us bypass the phone call and
just instantly telegraph the important stuff. But we've grown so
reliant upon it that we obliviously miss, Mr. Bean-like, the
conversations that could happen expeditiously over the phone.
Netiquette:
An open letter to texting-crazed teens
So
often, we put our thumbs to work typing out long and convoluted
messages that warrant a detailed, meticulous volley of responses,
when wagging our tongues would have cleared things up in 30 seconds
flat. More than half of texters have "long, personal text
message exchanges," according to a 2010 survey. They are all
wasting time.
Our
rule of (red, raw, overused) thumb: If your text is longer than two
sentences and it demands a response other than a simple yes or no,
just hit Call. You'll save everyone a little time and a lot of
confusion.
5.
[a photo of your junk]
According
to a Pew Research Center study that is (according to the Times) due
out later this year, 6% of American adults -- that's one in 17
upstanding citizens -- has sent a nude or nearly nude (but not
"never-nude") photo on a cell phone. And 15% have received
such a text. (Apparently these self-portraitists are prolific.)
Leave
something to the imagination, folks.
