Crowspeak
Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thanks Jules!
THE TRANSFORMATIVE EXPERIENCE
BY Elizabeth Wallmann-Filley
Many people are searching for change in their lives. They want to have more loving relationships, greater financial freedom, better health, etc. They want to change what is. Simply put, this kind of change means to modify. Changing dress size or jobs can feel very good, even successful yet be temporary or unfulfilling. What about allowing the birth of something brand new? Not conceived. This is what’s known as transformation.
A Transformative experience encompasses a broadened shift in consciousness. It can happen as an end result of an accumulative effect of intention, or as a seemingly instantaneous event. Transformation is a kind of rebirth. It is characterized by:
1.) A break from the ordinary, which seems to precipitate shifts in consciousness.
2.) A change that is beyond a simple matter of modified thinking processes. It appears connected to the major areas of ones life.
3.) Seems to tap into the place where thoughts and perception are formed. One could say at the “core belief system level”.
4.) An expanded consciousness with completely new reference points. The poet Rumi illustrates this concept perfectly in A Worm’s Awakening:
This is how a human being can change:
There’s a worm addicted to eating
Grape leaves.
Suddenly, he wakes up,
Call it grace, whatever, something
Wakes him, and he’s no longer
A worm.
He’s the entire vineyard,
And the orchard too, the fruit, the trunks,
A growing wisdom and joy
That doesn’t need
To devour.
5.) The “new reference point” emulates a broader perspective and reflects elements such as inclusivity (verses separateness), cooperation (verses competition), and unification (verses divisions). Actions are taken in service of the greater good (verses special interest). Acquiring a transpersonal self is common. Below are two examples of a transformative experience which include the development of a transpersonal self:
John Newton 1725 – 1807 British Poet, author of Amazing Grace, and former slave merchant
John Newton’s awakening appeared to be in one night. As the story goes, while on route with a “harvest” of slaves in a ship bound for market, he awoke in the middle of the night. John Newton wrote the words to the poem, Amazing Grace, on a napkin. In the morning he turned his ship around and freed the slaves. In addition, he completely changed his life and fought to abolish slavery until his death.
Edgar Mitchell Apo1lo 14 Astronaut, Engineer, Scientist, Founder of IONS, International Speaker
Edgar Mitchell was trained in conventional science and formal materialism. While in flight to the moon, there was the detail of flight and maintenance to keep his mind in his “ordinary” states of consciousness. It was only after lift off from the moon, when many of the duties of fight where no longer pressing, did he have a chance to reflect.. He looked at earth and saw it with no boundaries, boarders, or barriers. He experienced the awakening that we are all really one. From this point his life radically changed and has spent the rest of his life broadening the foundations of science. The Institute of Noetic Science was formed.
The important element of Transformation is that people experience themselves changed in fundamental ways. There are feelings of completeness, unity (oneness) and profound ease. People who have reported a profound Transformative experience seem to illustrate generosity of spirit and a deep reverence for life. They tend to emulate compassionate action towards the greater good.
Below are 13 keys to help you invite a transformative experience into your life.
1.)Question! The word question comes from the Latin word “quarrier” (to seek), which is the same root as the word for quest. Good questions can be very useful guideposts. The most useful questions are open-ended; they allow for the fresh, unanticipated answers to reveal themselves.
2.)Recognize that any external transformation will first arise internally. Are you having a lot of conflict in your life with others? There is an ancient Indian metaphor which says, if you find yourself cutting up your feet on sharp rocks as you walk barefoot, stubbing your toes and bruising your heels; you can pave the earth or make yourself a pair of sandals! This is also true for financial abundance. You won’t cure the experience of poverty by simply acquiring more money. Poverty begins with a belief in appearances and of “need”. The sandals you make are the foundational thoughts of “plenty” in the here and now. As Wayne Dyer states: “Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now; you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be fully understood by you – first”.
3.)Shift ordinary thinking through “entering the gap” (Deepak Chopra), which actually moves you into pure consciousness. Collapsing our thinking expands our consciousness. You can do this most easily in two distinct circumstances: when in meditation or crisis.
4.)Momentarily suspend the need to know through clarity of being. This can be accomplished through becoming grounded and living in the present.
5.)Become willing. If Transformation is what you want, than look directly at why you want that experience. What is unacceptable? Have you done every “thing”; you can think of to try to alter the reality you have? Are you at a place, inside, where you recognize that you are powerless, in your conventional ways, to have an impact on that which you want transformed?
6.)Recognize that something greater than who you are right now, will be the transformer. In other words, give up the need to do the transforming. You will become the transformed. You will be acted upon, by that which you do not (currently) know. This is what makes transformation so magical and mysterious
7.)Use repetitive self-inquiry: Come to know your wants, desires, and, goals. These illuminate intentions.
8.)Look closely at your self-talk. Shift thinking from self devaluing to life promoting messages. Learn to celebrate your humanity.
9.)Habitually confront inner conflict and make a choice. You can compromise, decide to take the “softer” way, develop a “higher” perspective, or simply do a cost/ benefit analysis. The point is to confront the conflict mechanism. The mechanism is more problematic than the specifics of the conflict. It guarantees removal from both creative thinking and “Knowing”.
10)Refuse to participate in sending erroneous information (mixed messages).
When you’re angry, be angry; when afraid, embrace the fear. The nice thing about emotional states is that they lack permanence, if you let them. Remember, the natural order is evolution. We eventually learn to handle the complexities of life. Situations that use to baffle or frighten will cease as your capacity broadens.
11.) Maneuver yourself into a position of looking (being the witness). Then use
the necessary tools to expand perception. Expanded perception means to move into the unknown. This is really allowing discontinuity in your ordinary consciousness. In addition, avoid the classic “Post hoc fallacy” {If B follows A, A caused B} which characterizes “need to know” and closed (circular) thinking.
12.) Closely examine any anger, fear, and “hurts” from the past. This can be
easily done by making a list. As you examine “what was done to you”, ask yourself, in what ways have I participated in the pain? Notice the wording here. I am not saying, “How did I create this?” The reason for this wording is that sometimes we take responsibility for things that are not ours – such as someone else’s choices. What you can own is what you do with the circumstance. If someone stole from you, and you are angry, you don’t want to say to yourself, “I chose to be stolen from”; or “I chose to be connected to that circumstance”, unless you REALLY KNOW this to be true. Look at this situation deeply. Maybe the pain now is that you have not found a way to honestly (heartfelt) forgive them their sickness; maybe your anger is because their stealing from you engendered fear for your survival, or maybe you’ve been blaming yourself all along, and it is time to forgive yourself. The point is examine, look closely, and identify what you are holding onto and why.
13)Choose to release it. This can be ceremoniously or straightforward and simple.The point is to give what you have “up”, or, if you like, take it back. I heard someone say that the way they forgave their father was to go to his grave a say, “I take back all my curses of you. I choose to release you now”.
Each one of us can have a transformative experience which shifts our lives into unimagined fulfillment and joy. It is our current consciousness which is the midwife of the new. The greatest challenge is to birth the un-tethered self.
Elizabeth Wallmann-Filley is an educator, counselor, and healing practitioner, with more than 25 years experience in the fields of Hypnotherapy, Energy Medicine and Psychology, and Life Coaching. She has given presentations and workshops in Europe and international conferences coast to coast. Elizabeth is an active member of the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology (www.energypsych.org), the Institute of Noetic Sciences (www.noetic.org), and the International Association of Reiki Practitioners (www.iarp.org), as well as The American Counseling Association and The Hypnotherapist Union (Local 492). She is the host and producer of a local TV show: “Conscious Living”, airing at 9:00 PM on Channel 12, Tuesday and Saturday in the Anchorage, Alaska area. For more information, contact (907) 275-3397.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Big Yard Sale
Saturday and Sunday @ 738 W Portland Street.
Lots of unique holiday items and more...
Good prices, snacks and smiles...
West on Roosevelt to 9th Avenue. North on 9th Avenue one block to 738 W Portland St
Hope to see you here!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
An Acupressure Point for Nausea, Reflux, and Hiccups
It is used to treat many conditions, most famously nausea. It works for any type of nausea: morning sickness, car sickness, and sea sickness. In fact, this point is the reason those magnetic wristbands work while you are on a cruise.
It works well. Gentle pressure needs to be applied in order to prevent the nausea from coming back during the trip.
Not talked about that much, but at least as valuable, is that it can also treat hiccups.
How does it work?
PC 6 works because it influences the flow of qi, the body’s energy. In the digestive tract, the qi is supposed to flow downwards. Nausea and hiccups are disharmonies when the qi flows upward. Gently massaging this point helps the qi flow down.
The pericardium channel goes from the middle finger to the chest and then downward through the stomach. PC 6 can be used for symptoms such as nausea, indigestion, stomach aches, and hiccups.
Location: To locate PC 6 hold your hand palm side up. The point is on the center line of your forearm, two thumb widths up (towards your elbow) from the wrist crease.
Symptoms: stomach aches, nausea, indigestion, hiccups, and sea sickness. This point is safe to treat morning sickness during pregnancy. If you have chronic morning sickness, nausea, digestive problems or reflux disease, you will probably need acupuncture and Chinese medicine treatment.
How to Massage: Often with nausea, PC 6 will feel tender and sensitive. Massage in gentle circles. At first, do not press too hard because this can occasionally make the nausea worse. If the person you are helping is comfortable, you can press harder. Rub for 30 seconds to two minutes. Acupressure works quite fast, usually withing a minute or two, to soothe the stomach. You may need to repeat often for car sickness.
A Slight Twist On Traditional Wreaths
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| Vintage Neckties & A Large Round Crystal From The Black Forest |
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| Have Yourself A Very Bill Blass Christmas |
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Goethe
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, and then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Burning The Boats
Burning The Boats
Have you ever questioned your commitment to a loved one, your profession, your faith or a lifelong goal? Have you created a situation where you have one foot out the door, just in case things don't work out? Or, maybe you just want to keep your options open for a better alternative. This seemingly prudent and reasonable position of keeping one foot in and one foot out may actually be a recipe for failure in both scenarios. Here's why.
Our mind has many components. One of those components is often called the "higher mind." The higher mind operates much like a hard drive running in the background of your computer. It whirls away crunching information and numbers while you play Halo or Tetris. Its purpose is to help you solve problems and to attain specific goals. Therein lies the dilemma. Re: your love relationship, if you are sending it the message that you are open to a possible divorce, it will begin to work on those instructions and, by extension, stop working towards coming up with creative solutions to make your relationship more satisfying.
Burn the Boats
So you may be asking how in the world do the "burning boats" come into this commentary?
In 1519, Captain Hernando Cortes and a small army left Cuba and set out to conquer Central America. Cortes was going to accomplish his goals, no matter the consequences. The myth states that once Cortes' troops landed in what is now Mexico, he ordered the ships destroyed by fire.
In burning his ships, Cortes took away all options to retreat and, I am sure, got the full buy-in from his troops to make it a successful campaign. They had no choice. Either drown in the sea or conquer this new world.
Do you allow "what-if" scenarios to dominate your thinking? Do you find yourself questioning your marriage, job or other significant decisions or commitments? Sometimes what is needed is not an external change but an internal one. Burn the boats in your significant relationships or in your vocation and see how creative you will become in making them great.
By committing 100% to them, your higher mind will be able to work far more efficiently in helping you to figure out the rest. A lack of commitment not only creates apathy, but it is emotionally draining and erodes your creativity. Without a clear commitment, you will be defeated even before you start.
Burn the boats.
Five Keys to Boat Burning
- Create a “have to” goal like a terrific relationship with your spouse - one that will glow white hot within you. Then, burn all the other boats.
- Action is key so act as if success is certain. By burning your boats, you will tap into your faith and create a laser-like clarity that brings everything into distinct focus. Your next steps will just flow since they will be so obvious.
- Enlist the help of others. Nothing truly significant in life happens without other peoples' help. We are social beings and are meant to do things together. An individual with a burnt boat is nothing more than a castaway, so tap into other sources of wisdom and energy and be open to the great unseen forces of consciousness and Spirit.
- Trust your “higher mind” to formulate connections that you never saw before. By burning your boats, you are simply freeing yourself to do something that you have been most likely been preventing yourself from doing all along.
- Unconventional success calls for unconventional approaches. We all have hard-wired habits and ways of doing things in our life that, in time, can actually become roadblocks to success. Try completely new, unfamiliar approaches and see what happens. Charts and maps are terrific but, quite often, incredible journeys start by someone acting on one seemingly crazy and paradoxical hunch.
Bon voyage and God speed!
Pesky Obstacles
What are the major pitfalls to successful couple's communication? What stops listening? What stops open expression?
Here is a small list to start with.....
*Expecting others to know how we're feeling or what we want without expressing ourselves directly and clearly..Expecting others to read our minds or fill in the gaps... A killer!..misunderstandings can be rife.
*On guard for being controlled. We see being controlled around every corner. This leads to automatic opposition on our parts which dampens communication.
*Conflict avoidance--sweeping it under the rug. Conflict avoidance is often fueled by silly beliefs like "people in love shouldn't argue or disagree". Perhaps we're fearful of hurting another's feelings or being hurt ourselves. Some people can get very frustrated with folks who are constant conflict avoiders. Some level of conflict should be expected in any relationship and those relationship that are seemingly free of conflict may have something else going on in the relationship,i.e a deadening of feelings or real emotional investment in the relationship has stopped. The trick is in how people negotiate these conflicts. Leaving unsaid what needs to be said is not likely to stop a divorce from happening but make it more likely.Important but unexpressed feelings can lead to resentment in the longer term.
*Anxiety about disapproval and rejection often stops some people from expressing themselves.... They don't get their preferences, wants, and desires addressed because they're too fearful of voicing them and being specific. People suffering with approval-need-itus will be afraid to let others know what's really happening inside themselves and the real person is kept hidden. This also is likely to increase the chances of divorce.
*Passive-aggressive behavior, a very indirect and often highly frustrating way of expressing anger and annoyance. Passive-aggressive behavior can decimate couple communication. Passive aggression is sometimes mistaken for conflict avoidance and vice versa.
*Strong fearful or negative attitudes towards change may block persons from even asking for it. Here people label their partners as unalterable, stubborn, always like "that". "What's the use"?..."They never will" and "they always" and this can stop them from even trying or they will try ineffective methods to enact change...this can ultimately lead to divorce too if it goes on without it leading to change but only to frustration.
*Believing we must not have certain kinds of feelings or express them. We should never be anxious, envious, jealous, angry, or down. This leads to an inhibition in expressing how we feel. Some people who feel angry but lacking a suitable outlet for that anger turn in upon themselves...the is sure fire route to depression.
*We become silent martyrs to indirectly get attention. Sulking and pouting are in this vein. This does wonders for couple communication. NOT! Complaining, nagging, cajoling, and becoming a victim are more direct “derailers” of good communications.
Blaming our partner and seeing them as the sole cause of a problem.
*Believing we're absolutely right and the other person is wrong, wrong, wrong plain and simply wrong, this is where communication can break down. Proving a point becomes more important than the marriage or relationship. Winning the battle becomes everything even to the point of losing the campaign.
*Defensiveness. One of he Big No No's. This is where we shut down listening to others because of the fear of "criticism".(criticism should not be part of communication either ,it really is another no no, so lets say constructive feedback) Here we argue and defend ourselves instead of hearing the other person out and noticing that there is a kernel of truth in their statements. (Sometimes many kernels)
* Lack of trust. We wall ourselves off because we automatically assume we're going to be ripped off in some way or come out one down in the exchange. This makes communication difficult. You wont' stop your divorce if you never talk and allow a safe place for your partner to talk.
*Helpaholism. Compulsively seeking to help when others just want to be heard. Helps to create frustration.
*Hidden agendas. The actual motives for why we want to do something are not being voiced or covered up...
*Global labels and generalizations distort communication. They can be used to personally attack someone instead of focusing on specifics.
*Regurgitating the past (both distant and near) can stifle present communications.
*Threats block communications. Threatening divorce or mayhem can shut down communications and before long you will be looking around for some way to save your marriage.
*Changing the subject.
Being overly placating. This frustrates others because they sense we don't want to communicate or that we're not really involved.
*Our minds are elsewhere either daydreaming or displays or impatience.(finger drumming, foot tapping etc...)
*Selectively hearing only parts of the other person's communication.usually the part we agree with.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Can't ever complain about rainstorms in Phoenix - even if they wash out my yard sale
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| Vintage Necktie Wreaths... |
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| 738 West Portland Street 9 AM - 2 PM |
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| Upcycled fishess |
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Personal Awareness Quest
On Inner Work, Intuition and Love
By Craig Chalquist
Throughout most of recorded history the idea of becoming who you are has drawn blank stares. People ask: become who you are? Don't you do that automatically anyway?
No, you don't. You aren't you in the same way that a tree is a tree or a tiger a tiger. We aren't merely blocks of wood or patterns of habit or bundles of instincts. As visionary human beings have always known, becoming yourself not only requires an effort, but perhaps the most sustained effort there can be.
And that is because of a fact unique to sentient beings: self-consciousness can be fragmented. Identity remains a figural island floating in a background sea of unconsciousness. The choice is to live on a larger island or a smaller one, to visit and sail upon the sea of potentiality or wall it off sharply.
We experience ourselves as fully alive, fully human, only when the island of self-consciousness is an unfragmented whole. Walling off huge portions of ourselves —thoughts, feelings, fantasies, memories, powers, potencies, even dreams and aspirations— makes us sick. It is even possible in extreme cases of self-alienation for one's waking self to be almost entirely false. When that happens, we usually cling to the assumption that we know who we are, that nothing inside is a mystery; and meanwhile the real self, its interior voices ignored, slowly dies.
The purpose of getting to know oneself, a process that goes by names like inner work, self-actualization, self-realization, self-study, and individuation, is to open up the waking consciousness to its unconscious foundations by reclaiming disowned aspects of oneself. We undo our repressions, make contact with our bodies, rediscover our feelings, study our wants and needs, exercise our dormant talents, dream our dreams. We work through long-standing emotional conflicts. We unblock the creativity we all possess. We "listen with a third ear" to the quiet movements of the emotional/intuitive depths in us, knowing that feedback from our entire organism is more trustable than the limited, one-sided reactions of the waking self.
So where does one start?
The Four Attitudes.
Carl Rogers has identified three therapist attitudes that facilitate personality change: congruence (genuineness), empathy, and unconditional positive regard. (He also speculated about a fourth: the subtle spiritual power that emanates, often unconsciously, from every sincere healer.) Oddly, he did not, to my knowledge, discuss the necessary client attitudes. I believe there are four: innocence (e.g., the Beginner's Mind of Zen), commitment, courage, and self-responsibility (fully owning the work).
These attitudes also apply to self-awakening. If all are present, then one will move forward; if any are lacking, then one will remain where one is. The reason is obvious: becoming oneself is the most difficult task there is and so requires complete seriousness, willingness to suffer, inward integrity, total involvement; in short what Karen Horney called wholeheartedness.
Here are some other tools for your self-work toolbox:
Never, never assume you know yourself or are completely familiar with a particular facet of yourself.
This grandiose assumption kills inquiry: why look at what you already "know"? It may also be the single greatest deterrent to finding out about yourself.
Be brutally honest with yourself.
You can assume right up front that you have some illusions to lose —illusions about yourself, about loved ones, about beliefs and values, norms and standards— and that you will resist seeing them for what they are. Everyone resists finding out too much too soon. The resistance is a problem only when it's not temporary. If you find yourself hanging on to something, defending a vulnerability, or losing interest in self-work, then realize that you may be closing on a sensitive area of your life. Give yourself permission to proceed with caution. (You might also wish to acquire a list of Freudian defense mechanisms, the devices we use to hide things from ourselves.)
Trust your impulses.
You have good reasons for feeling, thinking, imagining, acting the way you do. If you are prompted from within to try something and it won't hurt you or anyone else, then why not try it? Such promptings are attempts to teach yourself something. Outwardly, certain actions should be curtailed if there's any question of causing harm —but inwardly, anything is allowed.
Avoid people who invalidate your efforts to know yourself.
All the great spiritual teachers agree that it's best to avoid people who subtly or overtly knock down who you're trying to become. The world is filled with unhappy, routine-ridden, envious emotional vampires who avenge their personal failures by demeaning your strivings. All are cynics, though some go about as surface idealists who quickly turn away when you wish to discuss your anger or loneliness or spiritual bewilderment. Avoid them all. Having secretly given up on themselves, they have nothing to offer the seeker.
Spend time with people who support your work on yourself.
This includes seeking out people to whom you can safely share your uncertainties and express your feelings. Look for them with the eye of a hungry tiger: those who strive seriously to explore themselves are far and few between, and it's almost impossible to do this kind of work without such support.
Read good books.
Seek out the books that seem to have something to say to you. Use your own feelings to guide you to them. Generally, they will be books that develop "deep" themes —identity, personal growth, inner healing, spirituality, meaning vs. meaninglessness. There are plenty of people who've walked the way of individuation ahead of you; read what they've written about the journey.
Expect to hurt.
People who start to listen to themselves usually encounter those painful emotions that lie just under the surface of consciousness: anger, shame, guilt, loneliness, depression, sadness, confusion... This is normal, so don't let it scare you. Bear firmly in mind that feelings are temporary states that take care of themselves when you find appropriate ways to express them. And that you are always more than your feelings. At most they indicate to you where you need to grow.
Keep a journal.
If only to write down what you learn about yourself so you won't forget it. Some people collect whatever "speaks" to them: paintings, photographs, plants, rocks, soil, songs, magazine clippings, childhood possessions, crayons, seashells... Just about anything can be a part of your record of the journey.
Decipher your dreams.
Dreams are not random brainwaves or the remnants of last night's meal. They are snapshots of your state of mind —but snapshots from the point of view of the unconscious, which talks to you in images rather than words or linear logic. If you make it a habit to sleep with paper and pen next to your bed, your ability to remember your dreams will grow steadily. When you have one, write it down (or talk into a recorder if that works better) so the next day you can do what Freud called free-associating to each symbol. The associations indicate what aspects of yourself the symbols stand for —e.g., in my dreams rain stands for a release of emotional tension, plants for growth, cars for conscious ways to move forward. As Jung discovered, later dreams will correct you if you misinterpret the symbols in a current dream.
Construct a "mental health" family tree.
Amazing psychological patterns surface when you draw a family tree and then write in who was depressed, who was addicted to something, who was abandoned by a parent, who was chronically ill, who was a rager, and other such details. (Refer also to my paper "Twelve Characteristics of a Family System".)
Look at events through the eye of initiation.
"Eye of initiation" is Michael Meade's term for seeing things in terms of initiation into selfhood. Old wounds, a divorce, a layoff, the death of a loved one, illness, a painful argument: properly understood, these can provide raw material for inward growth. See them as lessons to be learned about who you are.
Take care of your body.
In part your self-esteem is based on your "body ego", the bodily image with roots that go back to infancy. Exercising, resting enough, and eating right help maintain self-esteem and support your work on your psychological self. A fit body is also less likely to hang onto buried emotions.
Replace victim-thinking with survivor-thinking.
It's important to be aware of what something or someone has done to you and how you feel about it, but it's also important to own that you have options, that you can always choose what stand to take. Victim-thinking creates a "responsibility leak" that drains your life of energy and your activities of sincerity. As I often tell clients, having someone to blame is the best way to stay stuck. Focus on what you will do with the past and present givens in your life —including protecting yourself assertively from oppressive or abusive situations at home, at work, or anywhere else they occur. Becoming yourself is incompatible with letting someone mistreat you.
Live on your ground floor first.
Using an image of Freud's, Sam Keen points out that quite a few people seek to skip the "first floor" preliminaries of inner work and live instead on the second or third floor —the spiritual floor. That is so. If you listen carefully to some of the folks who talk most about archetypal this and Zen that, you can hear a certain pomposity, a tone of "look how together I am" that signifies some very important emotional homework left undone. Remind yourself that a spiritual activity of the highest significance consists in integrating your flaws and weaknesses into your human, all-too-human everyday consciousness.
Make use of amplification.
"Amplification" is C. G. Jung's term for applying associations, ideas, readings, and other material to themes that emerge in your dreams and fantasies. If you dream, say, about dragons, then try fantasizing about them, looking them up in the library, drawing pictures of them, examining paintings of them, learning a bit about their cultural history, and getting a hold of any other material that might clarify what that symbol means to you.
Look for magical thinking.
"Magical thinking" is a therapy term for the very early fantasizing we do as infants and toddlers. At that age, wishes and reality are indistinguishable. Remnants of magical thinking usually surface in relationships, when we alternate between idealizing and despising a partner. Expecting them to be perfect, to always be nurturing, to "know" what we want from them, or to depend entirely on us for emotional self-fulfillment are examples of magical thinking. It helps to learn to tell such thinking from realistic thinking.
Look for splitting.
"Splitting" is a term from object relations psychology —a series of schools that evolved from Freud's psychoanalysis— and refers to the early tendency to divide self, internalized parent-images, and the accompanying feelings (Fairbairne) into good self/bad self, good mom/bad mom, good dad/bad dad, pleasant/painful feelings. We generally focus on the good stuff and repress the "bad"; the result is a tendency to alternate between idealizing and hating, being really up and crashing, feeling confident and feeling helpless. Getting in touch with both sides of an internal image, feeling, or other aspect of ourselves heals these splits and permits us to see ourselves and other people more realistically.
Make use of the mirror of relationship.
Krishnamurti was fond of saying that who we really are emerges in "the mirror of relationship." Watch how you behave with your partner. Monitor your fantasies, feelings, interior self-talk. Check out how your body feels at different times. Relationships are wonderful opportunities to find out more about who you are.
Befriend your shadow and the rest of your "cast of characters."
As Jung discovered, what we fail to integrate into our waking selves tends to collect into autonomous "complexes," meaning that unowned aspects of ourselves manifest in dreams and fantasies as mini-personalities. A prominent one is the shadow, a deposit of those aspects of ourselves we consider negative, unpleasant, or inferior. In dreams the shadow is the same gender as the dreamer and often shows up at first as an attacker, a criminal, a lunatic, or some other strange or alien figure. Owning what we don't like about ourselves —our insecurities, our fears, our anger, our less acceptable drives— turns the shadow into a more benevolent figure. His (or her) job, after all, is to bring back to us those aspects of ourselves we try to throw away.
Size up your ego.
Probably all of us receive ego wounds; even the best of families inflicts them. We usually compensate for them by reinflation, by feeding a mostly unconscious self-importance. Even low self-esteem can reflect this: "He who despises himself still respects himself as someone who despises" (Nietzsche). Mentally catalog your customary methods of reinflation (e.g., fishing for affection or compliments, being a class clown, workaholism, controlling a mate, pontificating, lecturing, sex, passive aggression, etc.). Explore the pain that goes with failing to restore your ego to its normal size after something has deflated it.
Allow personal constructs to become tentative.
"Personal constructs" are conclusions, convictions, beliefs, attitudes...anything conceptual we use to make sense of our world. When rigid they become dogmatic filters over the eyes of awareness, thereby blocking our openness to new experiences, viewpoints, meanings. Allowing constructs to be "what I think or value or believe just now" isn't wishy-washy; rather, it's a mature recognition that constructs are always working hypotheses constructed by an imperfect being who is always open to new learnings.
Ground yourself in the everyday.
Some of us go to the extreme of getting so absorbed in inner work that we let everything else —work, school, bills, health, relationships— go to hell. Don't. It not only works against you outwardly, it eventually dams up your inner process too. Divisions in your life should decrease, not increase, as you get to know yourself better. Inwardly and outwardly, pace yourself and stay fully present.
Get comfortable with being different.
Erich Fromm once put it well: the fact that millions of people believe a lie does not make the lie a truth. And Abraham Maslow used to discuss "the pathology of normalcy." The fact that you explore yourself more than others, that you dress differently, that you don't find idle chatter entertaining, that you aren't faddish, that you despise television, or that you don't respect "public opinion" (an oxymoron if ever there was one) may mean that you live, not below the standard of normalcy, but above it. And believe me, it's a pretty low standard these days. Being thought of as strange by chronic conformists who are afraid to stand out from the crowd or question authority figures or form their own opinions can be a mark of distinction. It can also mean you belong to the perennial community of those who are bravely trying to be their real selves.
Expect miracles.
I seldom meet a person newly committed to self-exploration without sighing to myself, "Ah, how wonderful to be just at the beginning of the adventure again!" Getting to know myself better has hurt more than I could ever have foreseen; it has also brought me immeasurable joy, meanings to live by, answers to what I thought were unanswerable questions, healing for old wounds I believed would bleed forever. It has decanted a strange serenity such that very little wrenches at me anymore. And it has made my life indescribably rich in magic. If you haven't walked this path until now, you can't imagine the miracles you will meet with. Prepare yourself for them.
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